Sunday, September 6, 2009

Intra-Office Memo

DATE: 7/31/2008

Just wanted to take this opportunity to remind everyone about the break room policy.

  • Only use the break room when you are on your break. (No-brainer)
  • If you're going to drink coffee please remember that you need your own mug because we will be going "green" in the next month or so and thus will stop having disposable cups. Also, if you're going to drink the coffee, please, please, please throw a couple bucks in the jar next to the fridge. I can't tell you how many times I go into the break room and there is neither any coffee left nor any money in the jar. Seriously, people, pitch in. I have to pay for this shit out of my own pocket. Coffee is a privilege. Not a right!
  • Label the food you put in the fridge so that people know whose is whose and thus will not eat other people's food. Someone must not be labelling their food because every time I go to get my lunch from the fridge it's gone. And the only reason I can think for that happening is that someone forgets to label their food and then forgets which one is theirs, thus taking my lunch. I have diabetes, people. I have very strict dietary needs. If I don't eat exactly what is in my lunch bag at the exact right time, I could die. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING! I WILL FUCKING DIE! And then you will be charged with murder. I'm going to set up a camera in the break froom and once I catch whoever has been stealing my lunch, so help me, God, I will rain Hell down upon your life. I know I may look weak. But, I move like a meerkat during mating season. I will be on your ass! I am not even kidding.

That's about it.

Oh! Carol's birthday is coming up next monday. So be sure to sign the card.

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