Friday, December 17, 2010


So, lately it's been cold out. And in. It's been cold both outdoors and indoors. I'm in California right now, so it's not as cold as if I were in say, Massachusetts, which is where I was for Thanksgiving and by balls it was cold, but it's still chilly at night. So chilly that I've taken to wearing fuzzy socks to bed to supplement my body temperature. Sure, I could just turn the heat up, but honestly my extremities always tend to be about 40 degrees cooler than the rest of my body, so I doubt that would do the trick.

So, anyway, before I go to bed I put on a pair of fuzzy socks made from some miracle polyester that looks like the pelt of a Winnie the Pooh created expressly for babies. With my Pooh pelts placed thusly upon mine feet I am then ready for bed and about 12 hours of uninterrupted dreams where people like Brett Erlich or Patrick Cassels are my boyfriend. 12 hours because I am between jobs at the time (read: PLEASE HIRE ME!) and the aforementioned guys (because I'm in the inbetween age where I'm not yet comfortable calling my crushes "men") because I'm such a nerd that even in my dreams I fantasize about guys from non pornographic viral videos. After my 12 hours of coma I awake, to find that I am only wearing one sock. One. Sock.

Every. Morning.

Without. Fail.

As if my dreams were so intense that they could knock a sock off.

So every morning I wake up and walk around my house with one sock on. Like John Bender when he jumps out of his shoe while playing basketball in Breakfast Club. I'm thinking about going out for a scholarship.

Friday, October 15, 2010

New Shoes

Paolo Nutini's "New Shoes" is on the playlist for the place I work. There's something that has disturbed me about this song since the first time I heard it and it's this -

When I was in sixth grade for some reason it was very important for the boys to know whether we had gotten our periods yet or not. Looking back on this now, this strikes me as very creepy, and very much akin to that scene from The Departed where Jack Nicholson asks his future wife, but present jail bait if she's gotten her period yet. At the time it probably had less to do with sex and more to do with teasing and bothering the girls of my grade, but even with this rationalization in mind, it's still gross. I'm sorry, but menstruation is gross.

Now, the boys couldn't rightly just go up to a girl and ask if she had gotten her period yet, because what if a teacher were listening? They would get in trouble. So, they came up with a code phrase- "new shoes." They would go around and ask the girls if they got "new shoes." This was used both to answer the aforementioned question and also would be really funny if the girl had no idea what on earth the boy was talking about and was simply answering whether or not she, in fact, had new shoes, sparking riotous giggling on the behalf of the boy and sheer confusion from the girl.

So whenever I hear Paolo Nutini sing about how everything is fine when he puts his new shoes on, I giggle a little, because he just got his period.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Things Girls Like

Girls are a mysterious race. What do girls do? Where do girls go? What is a girl? And most importantly what do girls like? Look no further, guys, here at TMIMH, we have cracked the elusive code to the vault of what girls like. Take notes. There will be a test...called LIFE.

Sunday, September 12, 2010


My roommate got a new thing of soap to replace the one I've been stretching with water.

Friday, April 23, 2010


Going for Archery lessons tomorrow. If it doesn't happen exactly like this, I will be so disappointed.