tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26868210666976308142023-11-16T03:32:11.845-08:00The Monkey Inside My Headkimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-57641494197208346102011-03-17T02:58:00.000-07:002011-03-17T03:02:42.229-07:00My Imaginary Relationship with Ryan Reynolds<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">Sometimes when I’m just sitting around, doing nothing I find myself wondering what it would be like to date a celebrity.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I think we all do this- fantasize what it actually would be like to be with our favorite star.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>To actually have them be a part of our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But I think the difference between me and the casual “dreamer”, if you will, is that I don’t just think about what it would be like to kiss them or have sex with them. No, no. In fact those things never really enter the equation when I think about them.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I tend to obsess about all the little intricacies that would be involved in our relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>For example, let’s take one celebrity I was thinking of today: Ryan Reynolds.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Now, I’m not exactly head over heels for Ryan Reynolds and he doesn’t normally make the top 5 list of celebrities I would sex up.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I generally like my guys with a clubfoot or an eye patch.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Some physical deformity that says he’s not completely out of my league and also might be a pirate.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Even in my wildest dreams my tastes tend to run to the more obscure and somewhat more attainable.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And thus, Ryan Reynolds’ perfect features are a real boner killer for me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>However, this fact does not stop me from thinking about what it would be like to be in a relationship with him.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">We meet</b> when he comes to my office to meet with some producers.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>(Also, in this imaginary relationship, I work at a production company.)<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He’s left waiting for way too long and thus is prey to my insipid questions about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He says: “You know, I was in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Van Wilder</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Waiting, Adventureland…</i>I was Deadpool<i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">.”</i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I ask him about the Halloween episode where “Evil Berg” turns out to be Mimi from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">The Drew Carey Show. </i><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Eventually, he develops Stockholm Syndrome and asks me out on a date.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Only then, is he called into his meeting.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">Before the first date I call <s>all</s> a few of my friends to tell them that Ryan Reynolds asked me out on a date.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And they in a massive show of support and encouragement all answer: “What?”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">To which I of course I reply “I know.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Can you believe that People’s Sexiest Man Alive 2010 asked me out on a date?” </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">My friends: “Nope.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">But he did and now he is contractually obligated to hang out with me for at least three hours on a Thursday night.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>(Thursday is the new Saturday, made possible by the fact that you can watch all the good Thursday night tv shows online now.)<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I made him sign a contract when he asked me out that said he had to show up.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Thursday night</b> I rush home from work, poo, shower and shave all the appropriate bits.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I go through at least five different outfits until I hit one that actually fits me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then it’s just a matter of negotiating LA traffic to the decided upon meeting spot:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The Olive Garden, a place I suggested in one of our interim phone calls claiming that it would be an “ironic” choice, but really it’s just because I love cheesy pasta and shiny breadsticks.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Also, it smells exactly like how I imagine Prince’s Chateau smells like, which is to say: heaven. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">I arrive at 8.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He arrives at 8:15.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I live closer and we agreed that I would get there sooner just to put our name in.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">always</i> a line at The Olive Garden.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">He orders whatever’s new, but probably something low fat as I imagine it’s hard to maintain rock hard abs.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I order the Fettuccini Alfredo.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>This is important because it means for the rest of the night I will be clearing my throat because of the mucus that forms after I eat such things and anyone who is going to date me should get used to this.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>If I won’t give up cheese for my doctor, I’m not giving it up for you.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I ask him if it was weird that his ex girlfriend used to fuck Uncle Joey from “Full House.”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And here for the second time we hit upon what will be one of the central recurring problems in the relationship of Mr. Reynolds and me:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I know way too much about him and he knows nothing about me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Our second date</b> is at an archery range.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I accidentally shoot a small dog which has been left to wander the area by it’s incredibly stupid owner.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am inconsolable.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Ryan must hold me to keep me from bursting into hysterics.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He is impressed with my sensitivity and the snot trail I leave on his shirt.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">We’ve been dating for a few weeks</b> when he invites me over to Sandra Bullock’s house for an “awesome grilling time” (his words, not mine).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I harangue her with questions about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Practical Magic, Speed, </i>and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">While You Were Sleeping.</i> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">“What was it like kissing <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">the</i> Bill Pullman?” I ask.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">She politely drops a heaping pile of potato salad on my plate.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">I watch <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Sandy</st1:place></st1:city>’s (yeah, I can call her that) child while she and Ryan do dishes.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Sandra makes little jokes about the 12 age gap between me and Ryan, that are really just desperate pleading cries that say “Hold me! Love me! Hold me!”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Ryan gets pissed off at her catty jokes and we leave.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">On the car ride home I ask him what that was all about and if he liked Scarlett Johansson better as a blonde or brunette?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He glosses over my questions.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There is massive tension in the car.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Finally, I address the elephant in the room…err…car.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Is this because I sold our sex tape to TMZ?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“We don’t have a sex tape.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“I pasted our faces over a video of two dogs doing it.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“It’s not that.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Then what?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Nothing.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Okey dokey.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">All my worries are allayed.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Nothing is wrong.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Years go by.</b><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We go antiquing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I wonder if any of the songs that Alanis wrote were about him.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He EGOTs.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We form a jam band with Gary Busey and Helen Mirren.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I make him watch every single episode of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">American Pickers.</i><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We are <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Hollywood</st1:place></st1:city>’s “it” couple.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><o:p> </o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Ultimately,</b> our relationship ends in an argument where he calls me a “star fucker” and I call him “Canadian.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">I try a few times to get him back.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I do the boombox over the head thing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I pretend to be pregnant.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I hire a hit man to pretend to try and kill him and then I “rescue” him from the hit man.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The last attempt works temporarily, until I make the fatal mistake of asking what it was like having floppy hair in a Melissa Joan Hart made for TV movie.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And then it’s really over.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">I hear he's dating Sandra Bullock now. Who could've seen that one coming? </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Some relationships</b> burn with a fiery passion that cannot be contained even within the bounds of a vacuum.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Some simmer at a low heat for years on end. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And some never even ignite to begin with. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My relationship with Ryan was a volcano-hurricane-supernova-microwave dropped into a rollercoaster hot tub and punctuated with bouts of extreme happiness but mostly it involved a lot of settling and reality show watching.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">At least in my head anyways.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-60669725034091469292011-03-04T01:18:00.000-08:002011-03-04T01:19:48.770-08:00NEVER IN THE SAME PLACE!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsydsFzULH8or6kEhgwAI3te4MlLeC4lNdf-IBrX8TkC7MMgFGcg9txCz3FUJvSzcddENpzf2I3KR134Tk8Vi_0rO8OTN-Z1EfHokTD1y8uriDDjFZmGtf0Y3CHp_rDe4ueGb4LbV9mKU/s1600/xtinariccialien.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsydsFzULH8or6kEhgwAI3te4MlLeC4lNdf-IBrX8TkC7MMgFGcg9txCz3FUJvSzcddENpzf2I3KR134Tk8Vi_0rO8OTN-Z1EfHokTD1y8uriDDjFZmGtf0Y3CHp_rDe4ueGb4LbV9mKU/s400/xtinariccialien.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5580151884683115074" /></a>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-27830371985151902202011-03-02T19:26:00.000-08:002011-03-02T19:29:10.033-08:00The Perfect Man<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrvQgJJCGMDto1KcbmWhnLZ2Ctucao_vZk-4Kg43qK78GiBnkgoOjfGgSwScgIm70h9eTKaG89cQP_b9g7C3YxtuF6WGXxtB5Ucs_L4LTvgaFrY7qDCd92qyNMHTSbGgsKfLNA7asdaWY/s1600/brettbabygoodinbenandjerry.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrvQgJJCGMDto1KcbmWhnLZ2Ctucao_vZk-4Kg43qK78GiBnkgoOjfGgSwScgIm70h9eTKaG89cQP_b9g7C3YxtuF6WGXxtB5Ucs_L4LTvgaFrY7qDCd92qyNMHTSbGgsKfLNA7asdaWY/s400/brettbabygoodinbenandjerry.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5579690132602653602" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Oh, the things that go through my head before I go to sleep.</b></span></div>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-89320080361108336492011-02-16T18:03:00.000-08:002011-02-16T18:04:57.983-08:00Fictional Argument between Orson Welles and Herman J Mankiewicz Regarding “Citizen Kane<p class="MsoNormal">Welles:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I wrote most of Kane!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You’re just being a dick!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Mank: HEY! <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>That hurts my feelings.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Welles: I’m sorry.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I guess I was a little out of line.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Mank: It’s okay, I understand.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You’re under a lot of pressure.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Welles: No one understands…</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Mank: <u>I</u> understand.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Welles: You do?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Mank: Yeah.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Welles: I love you.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Mank: I love you, too.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Welles: I’ll see you at home.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Mank: (whispering)<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Hurry back.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Mi amour.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Hurry back.</p>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-10089008351556674972011-02-03T17:40:00.000-08:002011-02-03T17:59:06.131-08:00STOP MAKING POSTERS LIKE THIS<div style="text-align: center;">BIG RED BLOCK LETTERS</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq1W778NCaX2ZlFkcNp4aFkJbKRtcbUjCVcE2Wbi21gBv0ScsGvsE9aWwQ5ksfQ3TUi9NxzoEqdEmLIirdlLWfAvNu8Kh7Jll-UsyuAYZ7wSgNMQtfBHROSYB6QACoauQRBqKyRIqnYTs/s1600/the-virginity-hit-movie-poster.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 265px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq1W778NCaX2ZlFkcNp4aFkJbKRtcbUjCVcE2Wbi21gBv0ScsGvsE9aWwQ5ksfQ3TUi9NxzoEqdEmLIirdlLWfAvNu8Kh7Jll-UsyuAYZ7wSgNMQtfBHROSYB6QACoauQRBqKyRIqnYTs/s400/the-virginity-hit-movie-poster.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569647493710446178" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoHV_ybgcFo0Ij8jgvdqK2Aku-gRAEjh6QjxSkSasGH1jr2Jrm14w5CwI2mHEN4GM2axU5QD-3Wv8LIFicevbcq4hk0mpHxHgIzRqdHG196fGz6-oSMquI2oAqYFVSyE6jVFU44WxH3lU/s1600/the_heartbreak_kid_movie_poster_onesheet.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 270px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoHV_ybgcFo0Ij8jgvdqK2Aku-gRAEjh6QjxSkSasGH1jr2Jrm14w5CwI2mHEN4GM2axU5QD-3Wv8LIFicevbcq4hk0mpHxHgIzRqdHG196fGz6-oSMquI2oAqYFVSyE6jVFU44WxH3lU/s400/the_heartbreak_kid_movie_poster_onesheet.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569647490190929810" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF8-BDQCqb_WuRKdlU_iN-1cLJ3WmM1iykIANWbMljWfIyEhDZhW2d5XUAYVbm2VCce9J8eYGGoOnq1sGF8d0go7Fz7QgPiOMGqMLwodgphBMvZDd_bHPYwnn1J76pWzp6GmOXOeUCXQk/s1600/The_Dilemma_9.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 270px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF8-BDQCqb_WuRKdlU_iN-1cLJ3WmM1iykIANWbMljWfIyEhDZhW2d5XUAYVbm2VCce9J8eYGGoOnq1sGF8d0go7Fz7QgPiOMGqMLwodgphBMvZDd_bHPYwnn1J76pWzp6GmOXOeUCXQk/s400/The_Dilemma_9.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569647487486927698" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizV2CuxdDjFhA8WUu5KCJVZCFbEE3sHsjzH0i0iCCmExY8vz1jhNVT4bhTWGdVZADZbLaNjVJHnAtmRxzKilNj81qAhqJ3yoiAVZcod9uYwsJglyIzZLdZKBosgiXxAEsxPmI6GjAJs2E/s1600/nutty_professor_ver2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 270px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizV2CuxdDjFhA8WUu5KCJVZCFbEE3sHsjzH0i0iCCmExY8vz1jhNVT4bhTWGdVZADZbLaNjVJHnAtmRxzKilNj81qAhqJ3yoiAVZcod9uYwsJglyIzZLdZKBosgiXxAEsxPmI6GjAJs2E/s400/nutty_professor_ver2.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569647483335835074" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPjVFSvAcR00PwEnyeToeI7E77vpvJwbYjlS6_tuWJWxVc7IEvtElUUeTvgXvPWQ-I8ZwOfn30Q37Oaa0-Hrc6mMoSfbHM6B4iSHz5VEMJMwFjDPPGuwd-KERRl3eC2mCEoAVE30oBCs4/s1600/meet_the_fockers.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 280px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPjVFSvAcR00PwEnyeToeI7E77vpvJwbYjlS6_tuWJWxVc7IEvtElUUeTvgXvPWQ-I8ZwOfn30Q37Oaa0-Hrc6mMoSfbHM6B4iSHz5VEMJMwFjDPPGuwd-KERRl3eC2mCEoAVE30oBCs4/s400/meet_the_fockers.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569647479012905490" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOwtUw3NdEMJEiekgNFeiyE4wo15WRxF39WC7nBrctFC2KWWsgNzhnP9ecJjQoQiDk5kyu38LlIjuS17gOIEAKAM126awaeL50fcRwxo3-t9-SCkQ46IqKJMKfkqakUWaO_SBqIZ0-bV0/s1600/hitch.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 275px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOwtUw3NdEMJEiekgNFeiyE4wo15WRxF39WC7nBrctFC2KWWsgNzhnP9ecJjQoQiDk5kyu38LlIjuS17gOIEAKAM126awaeL50fcRwxo3-t9-SCkQ46IqKJMKfkqakUWaO_SBqIZ0-bV0/s400/hitch.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569647169020815090" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj10NTkJHJ-rAtzAngZkGWShHIfctcmp1AI6lqVL5HqleiEpMqhELia2bHj80i-lV0OQoXjKA9swi42n0CSVnL4Rj1L-OJ2hifbPbSuV6U_yru3AL6pH7eZohlNnN4r0gx1XK_j2fmdPgk/s1600/four-christmases-poster-full.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 270px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj10NTkJHJ-rAtzAngZkGWShHIfctcmp1AI6lqVL5HqleiEpMqhELia2bHj80i-lV0OQoXjKA9swi42n0CSVnL4Rj1L-OJ2hifbPbSuV6U_yru3AL6pH7eZohlNnN4r0gx1XK_j2fmdPgk/s400/four-christmases-poster-full.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569647170265451714" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX52iecHOD6_ARlntojng4kjhGOc2LUqJop573Qe6XAq-FO210sug3K-4Y5-YrZajzqor2YBH_MvECYnSClBN7VAkPO3gIGGVZjy96neGYnCHeQXz4P247fXjZ7w7TuZkozrvLT_r5X-Q/s1600/DodgeballMovie-DVD.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 284px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX52iecHOD6_ARlntojng4kjhGOc2LUqJop573Qe6XAq-FO210sug3K-4Y5-YrZajzqor2YBH_MvECYnSClBN7VAkPO3gIGGVZjy96neGYnCHeQXz4P247fXjZ7w7TuZkozrvLT_r5X-Q/s400/DodgeballMovie-DVD.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569647165697736498" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj367se6kH0et6YufpZiuoHYR77hw18CyQAENw0WOeVY42q_BhyphenhyphenibbVeJu3T5qaD_h7VXTj6X48ykRJPHmfllcqnvf6vF7W8t2J0NvnN0R7n4F-gLoQ-ElKJSY6SY1qPMcFVW5lghenUug/s1600/aaxpokq_i_now_pronounce_you_chuck_and_larry_movie_poster1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 270px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj367se6kH0et6YufpZiuoHYR77hw18CyQAENw0WOeVY42q_BhyphenhyphenibbVeJu3T5qaD_h7VXTj6X48ykRJPHmfllcqnvf6vF7W8t2J0NvnN0R7n4F-gLoQ-ElKJSY6SY1qPMcFVW5lghenUug/s400/aaxpokq_i_now_pronounce_you_chuck_and_larry_movie_poster1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569647157046265762" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh14Hr36lqy-N2_hYXV_utxg8DpMWd4dYZMirbLKFcTdxqK8aoPBCIK12T5pCVUF7xYZ_Msc797YHNGhOD7MMLLSIdmSbUxda8ZUAw_Ao7KUst6xuJzNfGocLz9rwxtUEAgSi9GGy4OfB4/s1600/220px-With_the_zohan.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 220px; height: 327px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh14Hr36lqy-N2_hYXV_utxg8DpMWd4dYZMirbLKFcTdxqK8aoPBCIK12T5pCVUF7xYZ_Msc797YHNGhOD7MMLLSIdmSbUxda8ZUAw_Ao7KUst6xuJzNfGocLz9rwxtUEAgSi9GGy4OfB4/s400/220px-With_the_zohan.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569647155506941938" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgx2YjrdZ7CyWFgkIjLKHma-K_JHK0HDtyw3rEUCwhaDsyuuNnrZhGtDDhyphenhyphenVIZuGgUa8tzFAuR5zvJgmEKNrBKJc6d24_-PNfPmah2Cq9q9_67HZgu57ddlUzO8NbqVg7IPz7OYa7-Ijg/s1600/220px-Wedding_crashers_poster.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 220px; height: 326px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgx2YjrdZ7CyWFgkIjLKHma-K_JHK0HDtyw3rEUCwhaDsyuuNnrZhGtDDhyphenhyphenVIZuGgUa8tzFAuR5zvJgmEKNrBKJc6d24_-PNfPmah2Cq9q9_67HZgu57ddlUzO8NbqVg7IPz7OYa7-Ijg/s400/220px-Wedding_crashers_poster.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569646937644367378" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH1lg8cm9HMbvk81C7cLBvSvja-4SHWh9aBSU7ZpsKp_Lmwjwu27sNAHPJv85IWKw8PFiXYmxcb1qdcn62YsoFujWFIqBUseuIrDPI04SfbOp7O7p3HdBKV_5cI8tCq47f1qs_pzrLPuY/s1600/220px-Norbit.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 220px; height: 326px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH1lg8cm9HMbvk81C7cLBvSvja-4SHWh9aBSU7ZpsKp_Lmwjwu27sNAHPJv85IWKw8PFiXYmxcb1qdcn62YsoFujWFIqBUseuIrDPI04SfbOp7O7p3HdBKV_5cI8tCq47f1qs_pzrLPuY/s400/220px-Norbit.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569646861685159650" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZtfdQzJfAEi5W2s1DbSBxWISquCYmTvVUXxvrKkVv7yjsR2ecNsXSiY9fULkOVAIg56LbFK4zTvTOjKb1ai86UjH-hegsXECU4PcmWmlfiYKmW8_A2mx0mFsV1r4-heEGhX8ap2SzHSo/s1600/220px-Hot_tub_time_machine_poster.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 220px; height: 331px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZtfdQzJfAEi5W2s1DbSBxWISquCYmTvVUXxvrKkVv7yjsR2ecNsXSiY9fULkOVAIg56LbFK4zTvTOjKb1ai86UjH-hegsXECU4PcmWmlfiYKmW8_A2mx0mFsV1r4-heEGhX8ap2SzHSo/s400/220px-Hot_tub_time_machine_poster.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569646788363276210" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">Seriously, you guys. Stop it.</div>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-40947159903525480032011-01-20T13:33:00.000-08:002011-01-20T13:37:33.755-08:00Fan Letters #2I found another fan letter that I wrote......to Dane Cook. (Oh, the shame.) <br /><br />This one is circa July, 2006, before I had facebook and myspace was still a "thing."<br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">So, I've been one of your million friends (hyperbole, but not by much) on Myspace for awhile now and this is my first time messaging you. I've been watching Tourgasm and stuff, and I saw that you actually check your messages, so I thought that there would be a good chance that you would actually read this. I just wanted to tell you how cool I think what you do is. You're really funny and you have a remarkable ability to find the extrairdinary humor in what others see as mundane. I was watching Tourgasm tonight and it was by far my favorite episode. You said that you never really had any close friends growing up, but that you always had your family and that now you have some close friends. This kind of gave me some hope, because I'm the same way. I don't really have any close friends, but I have my family. This gave me some hope that I may someday be, for lack of a better word, normal,and that all my failed attempts (I mean this shit went so fucking wrong, the only thing you could do was laugh your ass off) at an effective life are building towards something greater. Thank you for being such a BAMF and giving me a little bit of hope. Keep on doing what you're doing. You are doing it right.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">SUFI(in the good sense)</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">-Kim Schwartz</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman;">Holy shit. That was some depressing stuff.</span>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-78475787763102211782011-01-19T03:48:00.000-08:002011-01-19T04:00:13.549-08:00Old Fan LettersI've been looking at old stuff on my computer, trying to get rid of things I can't use as well as trying to see if I can reuse anything. Anyways, I stumbled on a couple fan letters I wrote and sent to Jimmy Fallon back in 2002 when he was still on Saturday Night Live and I was crazy about him. These letters are horrible.<div><br /></div><div>Fan Letter 1:</div><div><br /></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Dear Jimmy Fallon,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" > I am a fan of yours and a frequent viewer of Saturday Night Live. I think you are cute, talented and funny (in a good way). You were wonderful in all of your MTV appearances, especially on the MTV 2001 Movie Awards.I think it is great when you occasionally play the guitar and sing during Weekend Update and I love the Sully and Denise sketches. I would really appreciate it if you would send me an autographed picture of yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" >You can send it to:<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" > (address omitted)</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" > <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" > I hope you stay on SNL for many more years and I hope you read this letter. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" > Your Fan,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" > Kim Schwartz<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" > P.S. I gotta go to Cumbahland Fahms.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" > <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1">Simply Awful. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">I mean, that "Cumbahland Farms" line, I know it was a reference to that Sully and Denise sketch they'd do, but man, it's just...wow. What was I thinking? </p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1">Fan letter 2:</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>8/30/02<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Dear Jimmy,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-right:-9.0pt"><span style="font-size:14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Maiandra GD""><span style="mso-tab-count: 1"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>You are such a hottie-bo-bottie. I saw you on the VMA's <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>last night and you were so funny. Your parodies were wicked <span style="mso-tab-count: 1"> </span>creative. I also got " The Bathroom Wall" the other day and I've <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>already listened to it like a million times. It is so funny. My <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>favorite tracks are "Road Rage", "Gotta Get A Fake I.D.", and <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>"Roommates". I like your Beastie Boys take on "I Can't Play <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Basketball". I love your work on SNL and I can't wait to see you <span style="mso-tab-count: 1"> </span>in the next Woody Allen flick. The day of the VMA's Carson <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Daly actually called himself a <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Massive Tool, modeled after your <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>impression. I was wondering if you could send an autographed <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>picture of yourself to me. I would very much appreciate it. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>I have a few questions for you. Who are you looking <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>forward to being on SNL this season? Who would you like to <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>perform with most? What do you do to keep awake <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>on Tuesday <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>night when you write all of the skits? Were the pies supposed to <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>hit you before you finished the news story about the clown? Did <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>you know that Roberrt Deniro was going to be therefor your <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>"Meet The Parents" review? What's your favorite movie? I hope <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>you have a wonderful year on SNL.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Sincerely,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Kim Schwartz<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>P.S.:Enclosed is my address.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Maiandra GD""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.25in"><span style="font-size:14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Maiandra GD""><span style="mso-tab-count: 1"> </span>P.P.S.:There's a new anti-Yankees t-shirt that says "Yankees Suck" <span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>on the front and "Jeeter Swallows" on the back. Just thought <span style="mso-tab-count: 1"> </span>you might want to know that.</span><span style="font-size:14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br /></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >What. the fuck.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >I'm embarrassed to be me.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >I never heard back from him, but I can't really blame him. These are the ramblings of a crazed fangirl, who apparently really wants a signed autograph or she'll die. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Over the past 9 years, my celeb crush on him definitely waned, but that didn't stop me from entering a video to his intern contest in 2009.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/jimL_x-8-iw?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/jimL_x-8-iw?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" >I may be certifiable.</span></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p></div>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-16342856105242473212011-01-19T03:03:00.000-08:002011-01-19T03:04:57.514-08:00Home<p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: left;line-height: 200%; "><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>I grew up in the northeast <st1:place st="on"><st1:country-region st="on">United States</st1:country-region></st1:place> where the weather in one day can be seventy degrees and sunny, thirty and snowing and finally twenty and raining because it’s too cold to snow.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It was also where summer heat and winter cold were equally fatal.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>One finding themselves in the northeast during summer would think “How could it ever be cold here?” while those encountering it during winter were likely to have a similar, yet opposite reaction.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I grew up in a place where a hurricane was no big deal unless you were a fisherman and tornadoes and earthquakes were non-existent.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A place that got its share of coyotes and skunks, but never rattlesnakes, black widows or scorpions.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">My neighborhood was the right place, neither in the “bad” part of town nor the “rich” part, nor the condominium housing sections whose identical houses were reminiscent of a Stepford community.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My neighborhood was a complete mix of houses whether they housed college students on their seasonal sabbatical from the real world or the elderly lifers who had nothing, but reality. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There were no kids on my street rather just their grandparents, which came in handy during Halloween, for my sister and I, alone reaped the benefits.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The no adults gave out neither pennies, nor toothbrushes nor staplers, but rather full-sized candy bars.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Thank you, Jebus. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">My house at five <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Linden</st1:place></st1:city>, was well over one hundred years old and had the type of floating balloon structure that is considered a fire hazard today.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The house, originally servant’s quarters for a larger estate had been transformed into a one family residence, then a two, then back to one.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>evidence of this was made apparent in the deadbolts on the doors leading to the upper floor. (It occurs to me now, that had my parents been psychopaths, they could have easily locked me and my sister upstairs and torched the house.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Thank god, for small favors…and anti depressants.)<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">It seemed that my house had been made for lead paint and any other type would shed from the clapboards in a year’s time.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Lead paint having gone the way of snuff in the public eye, (stupid kids and they’re paint eatin’ habits) my dad was forced to foot the bill of repainting the house almost every year.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>That is until we got siding, my house lost most of its charm and became what looks like Barbie’s dream house if she had an affinity for neutral colors.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The relatively hazardous structure of my house coupled with the new vinyl siding and the fact that we hadn’t had a fire extinguisher in the house for at least two years made me feel like I was living in a powder keg.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:200%"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>We had changed the carpet at least five times within eighteen years: from blue to beige to mauve each of which, I’m sure, one can still find in closets.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>From there it was beige burber then back to every ones favorite: mint green.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Carpets which were meant to never be stomped down, but had flattened in less than a year after their installation.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The old counterweight rope windows could not be opened unless the ropes were greased with wax and even then, the most stubborn ones, the ones that were painted shut, refused to budge.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There was the “Crayola”-colored carpet which once presided in my room.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>one that could have been seen if I ever bothered to <span class="MsoPageNumber"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>clean up or weed my collection of stuff</span>.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The carpet looked horrible and came from Building #19, but it was mine and it was there.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">I can’t help but long for those functionless windows and pointless doors with deadbolts that kept no one but a sibling playing “Hide and Seek”, out.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The impractical wooden clapboards and the horribly uncomfortable not to mention ugly carpet from “Building #19” that lined my bedroom; I felt strangely proud of these things.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The dilapidated back porch that I fell off once and which was great to make a sled run on when it snowed - I miss its peeling paint and crossed beam design.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I miss all of these things mainly<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>because they’re gone, not because they held any special meaning, but just because they’re gone and have left nothing but maybe a crack in the wall or a piece of photographic evidence that they were there. When thinking about where I lived and coincidentally, where I still live I can’t help but think about and steal a quote from the last episode of “The Wonder Years”: </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:200%">“Things never turn out exactly the way you planned. Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you’re in diapers, the next you’re gone, but the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place, a house like a lot of houses, a yard like a lot of yards, on a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is, after all these years I still look back in wonder.” (Daniel Stern –“The Wonder Years”)</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:200%"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:200%"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Now, five years after we moved out of that house, there hasn’t been a night that I don’t dream that I’m right back there.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In these dreams I’m always happy to be there.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I feel at peace with the world, like nothing bad could happen to me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>That I have nothing to worry about because I am there and that’s all that matters.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>That’s all I’ve ever been trying to get to; back home.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Back to where it all started, like if I could go back and live there, I could fix everything.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In these dreams that I have, everything is wonderful, but just for a moment, then I realize; Something is off.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Something is missing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Usually, it’s that the bulletin board that used to hang in my room has been stripped of its years of clippings or that the backyard is a beach in California or that the upstairs kitchen doesn’t have enough random clutter in it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It doesn’t matter what it is; there’s always some clue that it’s all just a dream and I figure it out.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I always figure it out.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And in that moment, I hate that I’m so smart, because I just want to be able to stay, but no one can stay home once they figure it out.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:200%"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:200%"><o:p> </o:p></p>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-9794740868690757762010-12-17T14:42:00.000-08:002010-12-17T14:58:34.867-08:00Socks.So, lately it's been cold out. And in. It's been cold both outdoors and indoors. I'm in California right now, so it's not as cold as if I were in say, Massachusetts, which is where I was for Thanksgiving and by balls it was cold, but it's still chilly at night. So chilly that I've taken to wearing fuzzy socks to bed to supplement my body temperature. Sure, I could just turn the heat up, but honestly my extremities always tend to be about 40 degrees cooler than the rest of my body, so I doubt that would do the trick.<div><br /></div><div>So, anyway, before I go to bed I put on a pair of fuzzy socks made from some miracle polyester that looks like the pelt of a Winnie the Pooh created expressly for babies. With my Pooh pelts placed thusly upon mine feet I am then ready for bed and about 12 hours of uninterrupted dreams where people like Brett Erlich or Patrick Cassels are my boyfriend. 12 hours because I am between jobs at the time (read: PLEASE HIRE ME!) and the aforementioned guys (because I'm in the inbetween age where I'm not yet comfortable calling my crushes "men") because I'm such a nerd that even in my dreams I fantasize about guys from non pornographic viral videos. After my 12 hours of coma I awake, to find that I am only wearing one sock. One. Sock.</div><div><br /></div><div>Every. Morning.</div><div><br /></div><div>Without. Fail.</div><div><br /></div><div>As if my dreams were so intense that they could knock a sock off. </div><div><br /></div><div>So every morning I wake up and walk around my house with one sock on. Like John Bender when he jumps out of his shoe while playing basketball in Breakfast Club. I'm thinking about going out for a scholarship.</div>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-10192362525940197922010-10-15T12:51:00.000-07:002010-10-15T13:02:50.600-07:00New ShoesPaolo Nutini's "New Shoes" is on the playlist for the place I work. There's something that has disturbed me about this song since the first time I heard it and it's this -<div><br /></div><div>When I was in sixth grade for some reason it was very important for the boys to know whether we had gotten our periods yet or not. Looking back on this now, this strikes me as very creepy, and very much akin to that scene from The Departed where Jack Nicholson asks his future wife, but present jail bait if she's gotten her period yet. At the time it probably had less to do with sex and more to do with teasing and bothering the girls of my grade, but even with this rationalization in mind, it's still gross. I'm sorry, but menstruation is gross. </div><div><br /></div><div>Now, the boys couldn't rightly just go up to a girl and ask if she had gotten her period yet, because what if a teacher were listening? They would get in trouble. So, they came up with a code phrase- "new shoes." They would go around and ask the girls if they got "new shoes." This was used both to answer the aforementioned question and also would be really funny if the girl had no idea what on earth the boy was talking about and was simply answering whether or not she, in fact, had new shoes, sparking riotous giggling on the behalf of the boy and sheer confusion from the girl.</div><div><br /></div><div>So whenever I hear Paolo Nutini sing about how everything is fine when he puts his new shoes on, I giggle a little, because he just got his period.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-86706545072825616562010-09-13T03:24:00.001-07:002010-09-13T03:36:40.206-07:00Things Girls Like<div><div>Girls are a mysterious race. What do girls do? Where do girls go? What is a girl? And most importantly what do girls like? Look no further, guys, here at TMIMH, we have cracked the elusive code to the vault of what girls like. Take notes. There will be a test...called LIFE.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_KqnmJkMMW-4O6sjgKb4OvlUltYKsbFtF04FWGhkqMA8Yhlt0fh2akaJzLZZDXSEWPhOVc8z57hrTKpB5NeTAv7RomUcBQdHfNaT5pLR6jaBbBLLAPhr8b_keljd75y0ygs2OjSblwCA/s1600/banner.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_KqnmJkMMW-4O6sjgKb4OvlUltYKsbFtF04FWGhkqMA8Yhlt0fh2akaJzLZZDXSEWPhOVc8z57hrTKpB5NeTAv7RomUcBQdHfNaT5pLR6jaBbBLLAPhr8b_keljd75y0ygs2OjSblwCA/s400/banner.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516344192123534994" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 49px; " /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXvlaD2cJdMzHR8hSWWs7KM1RLH3ZyIhwZ7g_IgpcNdHbbU8df5uD5KGjph9XYjLnQ0Qkcm2VQ1vnnGxI4RGtKAtjYoNylGpgwdzMsHEqn2QjkYIpbjSlyC4dPDzDOBD-JvjcPhHVKi6A/s1600/pretty.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXvlaD2cJdMzHR8hSWWs7KM1RLH3ZyIhwZ7g_IgpcNdHbbU8df5uD5KGjph9XYjLnQ0Qkcm2VQ1vnnGxI4RGtKAtjYoNylGpgwdzMsHEqn2QjkYIpbjSlyC4dPDzDOBD-JvjcPhHVKi6A/s400/pretty.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516344185226516930" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 200px; " /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqURARI0dchPe7IVIPCGS_VpaGN79tL3v0ViaXvIIQ6RflCp8aAFtOCdfjKbtb-uX8xHiNTkz4tnBWKWNh-y9TuS8hUj-SRhfyKD-8HBqFU7z5bjykiKxC_9vQUiDe3FroVqGunECGBko/s1600/bearhugs.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqURARI0dchPe7IVIPCGS_VpaGN79tL3v0ViaXvIIQ6RflCp8aAFtOCdfjKbtb-uX8xHiNTkz4tnBWKWNh-y9TuS8hUj-SRhfyKD-8HBqFU7z5bjykiKxC_9vQUiDe3FroVqGunECGBko/s400/bearhugs.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516344181508742946" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 200px; " /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiYxLACN7tXYt87-1Opo1Iaed-ZQ4c0BqNawQ4_FhBMRXI4sQ_E0JpbJmArXEKDneN_KfaXcgUR6_y1PA1SQOZa_-IXT4ABtR1TyoXWDpkbvNggbwMD3WrvWtufnze-mag6R0LnmQ44Sc/s1600/smother.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiYxLACN7tXYt87-1Opo1Iaed-ZQ4c0BqNawQ4_FhBMRXI4sQ_E0JpbJmArXEKDneN_KfaXcgUR6_y1PA1SQOZa_-IXT4ABtR1TyoXWDpkbvNggbwMD3WrvWtufnze-mag6R0LnmQ44Sc/s400/smother.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516344177226728594" style="display: block; 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margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5siL2O_JWdIhdGhnfIj6KgOiCTo6gAgIaODEtJmYEYK_NxZieUhMkcYeiwBvFuERBVfBh10jL9S7fsUryMG99nbXVqM2MrWK4dWu5SSwEMDnef-r0nZDb_x94Zh5dVIcvwyoy_T9RD8I/s400/dwarves.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516344685255168866" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihERNr4zhO8TMFt2Oe6XGD6fcqoBUtbQn-HAAgk280iyN_E6wtFWa6oaYgL5z3nvWmv38wyM7EqICjdKLQQHsUa4hboQzS23tyFiPefTapPW6BsH8a00-mZkkBkvS7hepwuxO35feERS4/s1600/yarnremotecar.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihERNr4zhO8TMFt2Oe6XGD6fcqoBUtbQn-HAAgk280iyN_E6wtFWa6oaYgL5z3nvWmv38wyM7EqICjdKLQQHsUa4hboQzS23tyFiPefTapPW6BsH8a00-mZkkBkvS7hepwuxO35feERS4/s400/yarnremotecar.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516344681767992626" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBdeW3n7hqsftbZQRb3H8aM8V7F4GIKVoXl2haP-dYWBIPqdhoHHQtbL98IChwDBWBzBT8C_Z5razYwXBngWqv82PpxW8OP-GaBPANS6d3LFeEmtodBj7NnihI-DX1G7-kxMS1OaT22M8/s1600/acid.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBdeW3n7hqsftbZQRb3H8aM8V7F4GIKVoXl2haP-dYWBIPqdhoHHQtbL98IChwDBWBzBT8C_Z5razYwXBngWqv82PpxW8OP-GaBPANS6d3LFeEmtodBj7NnihI-DX1G7-kxMS1OaT22M8/s400/acid.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516344672655638002" /></a><br /><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre; "> </span></div><div> </div>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-44776024278815867812010-09-12T18:11:00.001-07:002010-09-13T03:51:30.963-07:00Soap<img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS6n5nnrNiQTEeGeQv1MgHRoD4YhdY-GUd0wDVtmIkrsbvIsgMLs2Bpr4x_lyHbvLMGoMl5eXvjRBaiSeSrBF7i-0nsQ87FLncIwcbTjS4kyE9ubX1imLvjK-VWoaaSA3nIdm8mgJoBKY/s400/bathroomsoap.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 133px; height: 400px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516199801076758754" /><div style="text-align: center;">My roommate got a new thing of soap to replace the one I've been stretching with water.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-74022963527286564352010-09-04T22:13:00.001-07:002010-09-04T22:15:24.837-07:00The Adventures of Wrightman #2<object width="400" height="300"> <param name="flashvars" value="offsite=true&lang=en-us&page_show_url=%2Fphotos%2F53631727%40N05%2Fsets%2F72157624756860313%2Fshow%2F&page_show_back_url=%2Fphotos%2F53631727%40N05%2Fsets%2F72157624756860313%2F&set_id=72157624756860313&jump_to="> <param name="movie" value="http://www.flickr.com/apps/slideshow/show.swf?v=71649"> <param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://www.flickr.com/apps/slideshow/show.swf?v=71649" allowfullscreen="true" flashvars="offsite=true&lang=en-us&page_show_url=%2Fphotos%2F53631727%40N05%2Fsets%2F72157624756860313%2Fshow%2F&page_show_back_url=%2Fphotos%2F53631727%40N05%2Fsets%2F72157624756860313%2F&set_id=72157624756860313&jump_to=" width="400" height="300"></embed></object>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-59607361500529579282010-09-04T22:07:00.000-07:002010-09-04T22:15:57.188-07:00The Adventures of Wrightman #2<div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbjgSiPRkVZiM0kcRqFzNaJCtLYJcKITCZdpWA7hwuF6goL8AVOQi0Dj2DvwSHC6Zf5sadDzHpa8V8uoWhMM8sO-tdmnG5qYPJziRrT_nrOQx5XbBLUwS5lAlKYkYXs5Vn07C1P8CzOzQ/s1600/final+cover.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 309px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbjgSiPRkVZiM0kcRqFzNaJCtLYJcKITCZdpWA7hwuF6goL8AVOQi0Dj2DvwSHC6Zf5sadDzHpa8V8uoWhMM8sO-tdmnG5qYPJziRrT_nrOQx5XbBLUwS5lAlKYkYXs5Vn07C1P8CzOzQ/s400/final+cover.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5513291844426358290" /></a>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-38939862346847595062010-04-23T19:00:00.001-07:002010-04-23T19:04:01.179-07:00Archery<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Going for Archery lessons tomorrow. If it doesn't happen exactly like this, I will be so disappointed. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><br /></span></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKRYww60NHZMui7JFJzIdNBR7jY6GFjRif4olyBzQoxd8WfYeG6Z1mk85CdkZ_6oodfAqMbzxXwyRPpnL0_0NPo-8F2VuhStSRqxlrbBiXZhmDinjdSSt96WC4c7KXAhaD1SDNZzLbmiM/s1600/archery1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 286px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKRYww60NHZMui7JFJzIdNBR7jY6GFjRif4olyBzQoxd8WfYeG6Z1mk85CdkZ_6oodfAqMbzxXwyRPpnL0_0NPo-8F2VuhStSRqxlrbBiXZhmDinjdSSt96WC4c7KXAhaD1SDNZzLbmiM/s400/archery1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5463518432856332882" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT5mJQezg7yu42XyR0N8M4Hqgq1IshltD4ekj0beCnzw9tq1n8Aa9_jcGyUjDIcsJnhKmqiQK80DmIqbUnspE0IsVb_oKun_sw9drBlt3M-ohWp4BjIqdz3xWKLcisdNO6XzlNG1k0rUw/s1600/archery2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 270px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT5mJQezg7yu42XyR0N8M4Hqgq1IshltD4ekj0beCnzw9tq1n8Aa9_jcGyUjDIcsJnhKmqiQK80DmIqbUnspE0IsVb_oKun_sw9drBlt3M-ohWp4BjIqdz3xWKLcisdNO6XzlNG1k0rUw/s400/archery2.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5463518426184554786" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzRhi2zUkcOtuZKjKkSLqpbfQcQ-Et5MJV0RlFTYkWS-2Gzvv2KGZvpg96fsTlyw2D56OlQHciSwP3Lm4GwGKd4TdvUZbDQdDIyul4Bg7uovfR1UClpZ7b6T3qPEIrM5SN9udal4vOrYM/s1600/archery3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 264px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzRhi2zUkcOtuZKjKkSLqpbfQcQ-Et5MJV0RlFTYkWS-2Gzvv2KGZvpg96fsTlyw2D56OlQHciSwP3Lm4GwGKd4TdvUZbDQdDIyul4Bg7uovfR1UClpZ7b6T3qPEIrM5SN9udal4vOrYM/s400/archery3.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5463518420067838226" /></a>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-72262231315518729972010-03-12T01:52:00.000-08:002010-03-12T01:53:56.262-08:00A Penny Xmas<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbdHTM938dbk36vTg94wbLPeHjhTFc1J_deZ5qRaOZ12QMXTNwrK0YUKyuqwTSPrleKBMAw6NuvIXR05wIcSwZLAfX5UYzmBWXkC0enexpY5-Gunl4v0L8s-CZ1w16WIDy_kHgbzEoYKM/s1600-h/penny+xmas+1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 292px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbdHTM938dbk36vTg94wbLPeHjhTFc1J_deZ5qRaOZ12QMXTNwrK0YUKyuqwTSPrleKBMAw6NuvIXR05wIcSwZLAfX5UYzmBWXkC0enexpY5-Gunl4v0L8s-CZ1w16WIDy_kHgbzEoYKM/s400/penny+xmas+1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447683283008946306" /></a>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-17621635756940586832010-03-12T01:48:00.000-08:002010-03-12T01:52:43.799-08:00A Penny Xmas (Cont'd)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_D9r76pvVwOMEj-1UCh5ZXkgEDg1qX6Zpqiqr2nGCx5jzQpQmqrcM5-VgOydRAcQdqyMWGToyFiiLu6qk_e7nfaUs-jfbTrAONRBzYnvzcWjyHwPLqbU5Ct0dWLCl1CjXQrBH1_jc9m8/s1600-h/penny+xmas+2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; 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margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 293px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8pMic-iB0GTefK4p377lXxCdrH2B25xEXgUvOpVzLRAg9NAcjxKViQqoa-VnO9XvmQ48R4wxN-Z1wtlb8wDawk4UBxVZ27NTAFdVjnt-BZwcMGViClWGXLUI-Zj3LMZu5hXTFZBbnheM/s400/penny+xmas+4.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447682788028825250" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijWzHiNS3mNiTssuQzoD6WrRG6sqevIpo0KLkCUq2qh8bthCi8aoGAncv9APUhl6C540KyHP0AuJVGjL5aYaXw3N0Kz8jF9OFqUkv97ZyHpVZqcT-Jamgjc0Ksjs5ec-JSdxlzmb6rV-w/s1600-h/penny+xmas+5.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 283px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijWzHiNS3mNiTssuQzoD6WrRG6sqevIpo0KLkCUq2qh8bthCi8aoGAncv9APUhl6C540KyHP0AuJVGjL5aYaXw3N0Kz8jF9OFqUkv97ZyHpVZqcT-Jamgjc0Ksjs5ec-JSdxlzmb6rV-w/s400/penny+xmas+5.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447682774162044818" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFsDPQslJ-Gip6O74QvzHIv7YtId9Kw7rhiT5zwoZh_OvCSf3f6jolnlSBrhOitffE9jgzrQsRkCRyOtTSnFevu5MfxSCeELkXodwyzCodwWbjBWdeXzB3moaT6T-jUCKYJhjJRPrpOO8/s1600-h/penny+xmas+6.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 287px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFsDPQslJ-Gip6O74QvzHIv7YtId9Kw7rhiT5zwoZh_OvCSf3f6jolnlSBrhOitffE9jgzrQsRkCRyOtTSnFevu5MfxSCeELkXodwyzCodwWbjBWdeXzB3moaT6T-jUCKYJhjJRPrpOO8/s400/penny+xmas+6.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447682770489667330" /></a>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-31633587817374138732010-03-12T01:44:00.000-08:002010-03-12T01:48:01.506-08:00A Penny Xmas (Cont'd)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTLGqAbyba-HxHL1RpMwGN14z3JJtrtzjhQyMdkZQbh0epwzC9EPghwlVEu8jV13LEeOeFWkku-YNSoqRWBNt4abuQMaF_LF-SUbclIPcnvxp9RYw93yX4fLRj7_t2zV-fbfMNL4YFqxA/s1600-h/penny+xmas+7.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 290px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTLGqAbyba-HxHL1RpMwGN14z3JJtrtzjhQyMdkZQbh0epwzC9EPghwlVEu8jV13LEeOeFWkku-YNSoqRWBNt4abuQMaF_LF-SUbclIPcnvxp9RYw93yX4fLRj7_t2zV-fbfMNL4YFqxA/s400/penny+xmas+7.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447681507300914098" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9DLvA3pE2lhPIEvB3q6VaLJB4LJNl5rVg5BLBT4meC2akIe9EonO8p8U2_mzMEykkUifVBdxC8Vcf5V5z9vx7sltWcfNzOc-Uuc8N9DcCvJa3vhd_H6xNFIGLD65HHu3OfiveKKaDcrU/s1600-h/penny+xmas+8.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 286px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9DLvA3pE2lhPIEvB3q6VaLJB4LJNl5rVg5BLBT4meC2akIe9EonO8p8U2_mzMEykkUifVBdxC8Vcf5V5z9vx7sltWcfNzOc-Uuc8N9DcCvJa3vhd_H6xNFIGLD65HHu3OfiveKKaDcrU/s400/penny+xmas+8.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447681497880505938" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSqek-RvQyJ1FV38jwcqulYJK3E-TD2SBtf5o44U-85x2WsDBFyNBS6BZwEoF6emXzeYnYc3d0XGDtGfgosZH8FzgmD1FQo5X1BirbHZPVOUUpx9RYOoOYhjOSXdmiDzLUIU2EqcF6Ocg/s1600-h/penny+xmas+9.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 274px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSqek-RvQyJ1FV38jwcqulYJK3E-TD2SBtf5o44U-85x2WsDBFyNBS6BZwEoF6emXzeYnYc3d0XGDtGfgosZH8FzgmD1FQo5X1BirbHZPVOUUpx9RYOoOYhjOSXdmiDzLUIU2EqcF6Ocg/s400/penny+xmas+9.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447681490329999314" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZqPNLQ6Mtw0iH-tqtOB3a4jFpCi9MSw7O9qMV8tW-e6RVtMimS8XV-l7OGxMgPANlqZeo-02jm4WUq-uLDwKmqbrsBrT1LMVpy7IhJkIl7cFvyN0d9x5Y57KI-mfrv3g_5HxNBP0ifF8/s1600-h/penny+xmas+10.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 270px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZqPNLQ6Mtw0iH-tqtOB3a4jFpCi9MSw7O9qMV8tW-e6RVtMimS8XV-l7OGxMgPANlqZeo-02jm4WUq-uLDwKmqbrsBrT1LMVpy7IhJkIl7cFvyN0d9x5Y57KI-mfrv3g_5HxNBP0ifF8/s400/penny+xmas+10.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447681474970446754" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCxdwWliMdGu6ttfuwaxGRAcT4vdrqQ5ANXyO4AMP9VmINMBZhzUNcYvMhlVbYpaatePUHAv2pvjfHaPUJ7ebKMFFwI3tKg9sTad6oNUmlxkIUi90SLYOokC3acdh4Gja8isz67pzC-Do/s1600-h/penny+xmas+11.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 280px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCxdwWliMdGu6ttfuwaxGRAcT4vdrqQ5ANXyO4AMP9VmINMBZhzUNcYvMhlVbYpaatePUHAv2pvjfHaPUJ7ebKMFFwI3tKg9sTad6oNUmlxkIUi90SLYOokC3acdh4Gja8isz67pzC-Do/s400/penny+xmas+11.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447681467783264610" /></a>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-91200937931079654272010-03-12T01:41:00.000-08:002010-03-12T01:44:36.616-08:00A Penny Xmas (Cont'd)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNtYmb7_2Paa_GvOGPJl7I_GZWjD00BHdABudPid9wclLyzbXgdKKod9-RofjMOur_lkRzYNQWyTKlQDn2VryGWgh5vRaEH_RuC2NJtEjPb4o-AmhGXCyDbCf_PsmZu27ooAHOnI-kSa0/s1600-h/penny+xmas+12.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 281px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNtYmb7_2Paa_GvOGPJl7I_GZWjD00BHdABudPid9wclLyzbXgdKKod9-RofjMOur_lkRzYNQWyTKlQDn2VryGWgh5vRaEH_RuC2NJtEjPb4o-AmhGXCyDbCf_PsmZu27ooAHOnI-kSa0/s400/penny+xmas+12.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447680715005238114" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSs8uLHRcOngiAVn7cmvHkCJOjw_2zAZUMEDSeYMt7wbCZ_TTpD1-6PqqfFXbLAym2apmDu38rpSJ5hK4gUbWGpvZG-o2U0UY6gcm6WLIiTO62i3VZQ82PM02225pvKWCQzZbmEhw0a04/s1600-h/penny+xmas+13.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 279px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSs8uLHRcOngiAVn7cmvHkCJOjw_2zAZUMEDSeYMt7wbCZ_TTpD1-6PqqfFXbLAym2apmDu38rpSJ5hK4gUbWGpvZG-o2U0UY6gcm6WLIiTO62i3VZQ82PM02225pvKWCQzZbmEhw0a04/s400/penny+xmas+13.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447680705310782434" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD1Om6h1i9f-AqRFQqF_HGjfwJ7McgDxxEoh_vbZyTarED2zPEv6Ex_ajnUnYbXVPMOICkEsoZl11og1AEGYU5eJbrqCT55uiPPxtMWc68GyCL39OBCbzxUKK1HJo8t4dCTPWWlVa-EuU/s1600-h/penny+xmas+14.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 277px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD1Om6h1i9f-AqRFQqF_HGjfwJ7McgDxxEoh_vbZyTarED2zPEv6Ex_ajnUnYbXVPMOICkEsoZl11og1AEGYU5eJbrqCT55uiPPxtMWc68GyCL39OBCbzxUKK1HJo8t4dCTPWWlVa-EuU/s400/penny+xmas+14.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447680695764487922" /></a>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-34212109747958418812009-10-14T21:44:00.000-07:002009-10-14T21:45:46.704-07:00Song Diagrams<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTOqLzy123oC3J2EaJUNTGMFiTOrJl6kDvBc_4nRs8DXmAtkkNvHdxO6sZKim6l5_xBoBeHtXHCuiYRXNjZ_To7-fQ-EmLKhkzJzx14Monzce9EzSK8m14h5W4jZFUpj7gNvhFbOmR7yQ/s1600-h/somedaysarebetter.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 286px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5392683364089464850" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTOqLzy123oC3J2EaJUNTGMFiTOrJl6kDvBc_4nRs8DXmAtkkNvHdxO6sZKim6l5_xBoBeHtXHCuiYRXNjZ_To7-fQ-EmLKhkzJzx14Monzce9EzSK8m14h5W4jZFUpj7gNvhFbOmR7yQ/s400/somedaysarebetter.jpg" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimSLVGH7_BI7noV0ay_3bZeyJG5xzXnTP_fZRWYl2TWoNN4-Y2eeh7uJBbkAe4gCRX8zSyeAnOuY4kd2qBC68CTLWjjNkZkhB8w43CjmnEWewyGwkJdhJHda-bjTEX8rTkEve72_IHs8o/s1600-h/happy+days.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 286px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5392683359651098130" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimSLVGH7_BI7noV0ay_3bZeyJG5xzXnTP_fZRWYl2TWoNN4-Y2eeh7uJBbkAe4gCRX8zSyeAnOuY4kd2qBC68CTLWjjNkZkhB8w43CjmnEWewyGwkJdhJHda-bjTEX8rTkEve72_IHs8o/s400/happy+days.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><div></div></div>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-53356922665679246752009-09-06T00:39:00.000-07:002009-09-06T00:49:25.267-07:00Mom and Pop Cuntry Cove: Celebrating our 50th Anniversary!When we first opened our doors, and our hearts, on August 27th, 1959, little did we know our humble little store would grow to be such a success.<br /><br />Founded on the principle that even good church going folk like to get freaky in the bedroom, Mom and Pop Cuntry Cove ahs provided the tri-town area with discrete "service" and high quality products for the past 50 years. Of course we would have never made it past those first ten years if it hadn't been for the surrounding community, who, for all their talk of immorality, sure did constitute a large portion of our client base.<br /><br />Like Mrs. Wingdon, the kindergarten teacher who buys a gallon of KY every week. Doctor Hanscom who has worn out three swings. And Reverend Murphy, who buys a butt plug once a month. Yes, we couldn't have been this successsful wihtou lowayl customers like them and many others, all of whom we keep a very detailed list of. <u>Very</u> detailed. And we feel confident that they would never take their business elsewhere. Like the new "Spankin'" outlet opening up next door, because, like we said, we <u>know</u> who our clients are and it would be a shame if everyone else did as well.<br /><br />Here's to another 50 great years servicing the community!kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-77954510350883520302009-09-06T00:34:00.001-07:002009-09-06T00:38:57.789-07:00Baby Shower!Somebody's Pregnant!<br /><br />After years and years of trying, I am proud to announce that we are pregnant. And we are having a baby shower this Sunday. tehre will be cake and ice cream, coffee, a magician, pancakes, goat sacrificces and a dominatrix. So don't hesitate to bring the little ones. There will be plenty to keep them occupied. It is B.Y.O.W. - Bring your own wives, because, as always, the orgy starts right after the goat sacrifice.<br /><br />So please come join us in celebrating the impending birth of what will (fingers crossed) be the Anti-Christ. 17th time's the charm.<br /><br />Word of caution: Mind the open graves. I haven't gotten around to fully burying the infertile wives yet and I don't want to have a lawsuit on my hands should anyone happen to trip and fall into one.kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-9979785611849933652009-09-06T00:24:00.000-07:002009-09-06T00:33:35.330-07:00Open Casting Call - This Sunday"Wendell Baynes Takes a Leap"<br /><br />The film is about what happens when squirrels stop being squirrels and start being robots. In short, it is about the plight of the working man and also pirates.<br /><br />Wendell: Male, 71-72. Should be at least 6 foot 7 with a penchant for cashew nuts and a disdain for Gerber baby food. The character is a lost soul with a club foot. You do not actually have to have a club foot, but those with club feet will go to the top of the list.<br /><br />Mary Anne: 3,000 years old. Queen Squirrel. Hot headed, even hotter boobies. Must provide own costume, i.e. the role calls for you to be completely naked for the whole film just as squirrels are every day. We're going for a real method actress here. It's a plus if you are incredibly hairy/incredibly willing to let the director drill you 3 times a day.<br /><br />Also needed: 300 midgets with their own leaf blowers.<br /><br />Tryouts are at my uncle's garage - 22 Dearborn Ave. Paloma, Wisconsin.<br /><br />-You bring the booze, I bring the love<br />-Irish need not apply<br /><br />A Blow-Jo Adult Entertainment Productionkimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-4073706377625313702009-09-06T00:08:00.000-07:002009-09-06T00:22:34.229-07:00Intra-Office MemoTO: ENTIRE OFFICE<br />FROM: STANLEY BAYNES (secretary)<br />CC:<br />DATE: 7/31/2008<br />RE: BREAK ROOM POLICY<br /><br />Just wanted to take this opportunity to remind everyone about the break room policy.<br /><br /><ul><li>Only use the break room when you are on your break. (No-brainer)</li><li>If you're going to drink coffee please remember that you need your own mug because we will be going "green" in the next month or so and thus will stop having disposable cups. Also, if you're going to drink the coffee, please, please, please throw a couple bucks in the jar next to the fridge. I can't tell you how many times I go into the break room and there is neither any coffee left nor any money in the jar. Seriously, people, pitch in. I have to pay for this shit out of my own pocket. Coffee is a privilege. Not a right!</li><li>Label the food you put in the fridge so that people know whose is whose and thus will not eat other people's food. Someone must not be labelling their food because every time I go to get my lunch from the fridge it's gone. And the only reason I can think for that happening is that someone forgets to label their food and then forgets which one is theirs, thus taking my lunch. I have diabetes, people. I have very strict dietary needs. If I don't eat exactly what is in my lunch bag at the exact right time, I could die. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING! I WILL FUCKING DIE! And then you will be charged with murder. I'm going to set up a camera in the break froom and once I catch whoever has been stealing my lunch, so help me, God, I will rain Hell down upon your life. I know I may look weak. But, I move like a meerkat during mating season. I will be on your ass! I am not even kidding.</li></ul><p>That's about it.</p><p> </p><p>Oh! Carol's birthday is coming up next monday. So be sure to sign the card.</p>kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2686821066697630814.post-35264739322971783662009-08-05T21:19:00.001-07:002009-08-05T21:20:33.271-07:00The Monkey Presents HamletTo Be or not to be, that is the question. whether tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageuos fortune and to then and only then to consummate roughly upon thine bed many a vagina out of wedlock....with my cock. <br /><br />To sleep perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub...no right there to the left. A little bit harder...oh you 've got it! Thank you! Now where was I? Ah, yes...<br />For in that sleep of death what dreams may come but those where I wake in the middle of the night and must rush most exquisitely mine sheets to thine washer.<br /><br />For who would bear the whips and scorns of time except those that be of the most kinky disposition. 555-5555 is the number that belongest to mine heart. Ring upon that line not before the hour of 4 on weekdays for I work the early shift at Ye Olde King of Moo Burgers. The boss is a major douche.<br /><br />Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well. A jester of jokes, a tickler of fancies. A handler of goat testicles. I knew him well. And to that end I must say we got it on not once, but many times a fortnight. Oh there were many sloppy days with Yorick....of course he was dead long before I was born, so you can imagine the amount of KY it took to get into that sucker!<br /><br />To thine own self be true. Oh but that line lies asleep with another character. That, Pelonius guy. That 'tis who speakest those words....Dickbag...he hath retrieved my best foil from the parlour claiming it as his own. Hamlet swears that by the end of the day he shall feel Pelonius' blood on his hands!<br /><br />Well, I'm off to sleep with my crazy sister and leave my whole famly dead. Ta!kimba2488http://www.blogger.com/profile/00655502016573626562noreply@blogger.com0