Old Fan Letters

I've been looking at old stuff on my computer, trying to get rid of things I can't use as well as trying to see if I can reuse anything. Anyways, I stumbled on a couple fan letters I wrote and sent to Jimmy Fallon back in 2002 when he was still on Saturday Night Live and I was crazy about him. These letters are horrible.

Fan Letter 1:

Dear Jimmy Fallon,

I am a fan of yours and a frequent viewer of Saturday Night Live. I think you are cute, talented and funny (in a good way). You were wonderful in all of your MTV appearances, especially on the MTV 2001 Movie Awards.I think it is great when you occasionally play the guitar and sing during Weekend Update and I love the Sully and Denise sketches. I would really appreciate it if you would send me an autographed picture of yourself.

You can send it to:

(address omitted)

I hope you stay on SNL for many more years and I hope you read this letter.

Your Fan,

Kim Schwartz

P.S. I gotta go to Cumbahland Fahms.

Simply Awful.

I mean, that "Cumbahland Farms" line, I know it was a reference to that Sully and Denise sketch they'd do, but man, it's just...wow. What was I thinking?

Fan letter 2:

8/30/02

Dear Jimmy,

You are such a hottie-bo-bottie. I saw you on the VMA's last night and you were so funny. Your parodies were wicked creative. I also got " The Bathroom Wall" the other day and I've already listened to it like a million times. It is so funny. My favorite tracks are "Road Rage", "Gotta Get A Fake I.D.", and "Roommates". I like your Beastie Boys take on "I Can't Play Basketball". I love your work on SNL and I can't wait to see you in the next Woody Allen flick. The day of the VMA's Carson Daly actually called himself a Massive Tool, modeled after your impression. I was wondering if you could send an autographed picture of yourself to me. I would very much appreciate it.

I have a few questions for you. Who are you looking forward to being on SNL this season? Who would you like to perform with most? What do you do to keep awake on Tuesday night when you write all of the skits? Were the pies supposed to hit you before you finished the news story about the clown? Did you know that Roberrt Deniro was going to be therefor your "Meet The Parents" review? What's your favorite movie? I hope you have a wonderful year on SNL.

Sincerely,

Kim Schwartz

P.S.:Enclosed is my address.

P.P.S.:There's a new anti-Yankees t-shirt that says "Yankees Suck" on the front and "Jeeter Swallows" on the back. Just thought you might want to know that.

What. the fuck.

I'm embarrassed to be me.

I never heard back from him, but I can't really blame him. These are the ramblings of a crazed fangirl, who apparently really wants a signed autograph or she'll die.

Over the past 9 years, my celeb crush on him definitely waned, but that didn't stop me from entering a video to his intern contest in 2009.

I may be certifiable.